one of the things about being in college (even your 8th year of it) is the ability to just take a weekend and go somewhere...and when i i write "go somewhere," i mean act sort of like you're retired and follow the tide...minus the millions of dollars, the dog in sweater, the satellite ready television, the big big grill (lemme see your what?), and the RV!)...
i've never been to the swam(p) before...which will now be referred to as just the swam…why? Because Whitney (DING!) wrote on her status on thefacebook.com something about going to the Swam…she left off the P, and it turned into a great thing to say…we’re all saying it now…you can too!
So…I’ve never been to the swam before, I actually think I can count the times my toes have stepped into florida on one hand…
It all started on a Friday afternoon…barely (afternoon)…there were two in the front seat and two in the back, and we started out with some lovely tunes on our way out of town…as we kinda ran out of initial conversation, we played a good round of “in my pants”
You know—where you look at billboards and finish the words on the sign with “in my pants”…oh, you should try it…it provides a lot of laughter…
Somewhere near Montgomery we got behind a vehicle with some words on the back window…those words: “Bama’s bringing sexy back”…AS IF IT EVER LEFT! Come on….but, maybe bama was brining sexy back to florida…yeah, we all did…I saw the numerous blue jean shorts that were present in florida…
Somewhere near Dothan we pulled up behind another vehicle that was adorned with all-things-bama…we pulled out some shakers, they shook back…AND, the men in that vehicle acted like Petey Pablo and took a piece of paper, raised it up, and swung it around like a helicopter…it had a number on it…Whitney called it…Bethany and I screamed, and Margaret Ila ducked…and now we all have some new friends, who we will never really meet in real life, on thefacebook.com
We got to Tallahassee…road trip—SUCCESSFUL so far…went to the Campus of Florida State…couldn’t quite break into the stadium and get on the field…why? Because Whitney has to save her “one night in jail”…she’s still got like 7 months left in school, and her dad said he’d only bail her out once…can’t waste it just yet!...although we did step our toes onto the baseball field…DING!
we ate outside in the 52 degree weather…it was niiiiiiiiiiice…we had a few drunken toasts…NO, wait…that was the table beside us…these folks were giving Tallahassee a bad name…loud, drunk, obnoxious…but, when we ran out of things to say to each other, we could just listen to them, and it was okay.
We asked our server how long she thought it would take to get from lake city to Gainesville…we had a brief conversation about the football game with her…and time zones…she was confused as to what time zone she lived in…but, that’s understandable…I caught the staph once, Margaret ila forgot her clothes one trip…server didn’t know what time zone she lived in…
We drove to the starbucks, Tallahassee…in the drive through, high on David Allan Coe , we ordered our hot beverages (remember, y’all, it’s 52 degrees outside), while singing, “I’ll hang around as long as you will let me, LET ME LET ME LET ME LET ME LET ME LET ME) to the lady with the two-toned hair cut in the window…
And we made it to Lake City, Florida…home of the….Ramada Limited (DING!)…we checked in and put the chair up to the door…I’ve had one experience with an uninvited man showing up and passing out in my hotel room…I’d prefer to not have it happen again!
Saturday—Rise and Shine, and Give God the Glory Glory—it’s always nice when you can enter a Wal Mart in another city and greet someone with a “roll tide” at 9 in the morning…we got our 35 dollars worth of turkey and were on our way to the swam
Pulled up—well, let’s be honest, rolled into the law school, Margaret Ila actually put a whole in the dirt…and got out our chairs…and we spent the next couple of hours relaxing in the cool—warm—soon-to-be-hot florida air…met some folks, opened the turkey…and it was good…
One trip to the law school bathroom later (where I saw a woman enter the men’s room…that was not empty of men?), and we were on our way to the stadium, by way of the bookstore…
Bethany and I left Margaret Ila and Whitney and climbed up to our seats…our seats that were the same seat number, two different rows…that has NEVER happened to me…
I heard stories of what happened in the other end zone with Margaret Ila and Whitney…a close encounter with “The Constant Weggie” (is that how you spell it?), and a personal encounter with “The Bear”
Bethany and me? You ask? (or, I tell)…we had “Wears White After Labor Day,” and “Swass” and “Cool as a pair of Blue Jean Shorts” and “Perv 1 and Perv 2” (much like Thing 1 and Thing 2)…Those gator fans…strange individuals, I’ll say that much…they all had synchronized gator chomp things…they put their arms around each other and swayed to the music…the band hates their parents…and in the end…Alabama won the first half! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOkkkkaaaaaaaaaayyy?
We left the stadium with heavy hearts…I cut my eyes at someone who maliciously tried to throw me down the stairs (he really just tried to step in front of me…but you know, whatever…he doesn’t know my past experience with stairs and staph)…and then made fun of me a little bit when I cut my eyes at him…we were all cussed, but Margaret Ila quickly dared the man to say that F word proudly again…he hung his head and did not open his mouth again…
We hung around our cars for a little while after the game, waited for traffic to cease a little bit and then all abandoned our post…Smell ya later, Law School, Smell ya later Swam…
I’ll say this much…if you’re gonna lose a football game…might as well act like you won, eh? BRING ‘EM Out, BRING ‘EM OUT, BRING ‘EM OUT!...And that’s exactly what our vehicle did…turn up the rap music baby, we are crusin down the streets, makin friends, snappin pictures, and dancing as best one can limited by four doors and a seatbelt…
And what town is complete without a Moes? Exactly! Tuscaloosa—GET ON IT!...DING!....we had an incredible time, WELCOME TO MOES!...eating our MOO MOO Mr. Cows and conversating with friends…well, some of us conversated more than others of us…telling our life stories---TWICE!
And then back to Lake City we went…Good night all!
Rise and Shine and Give God the Glory Glory, Part 2—Florida, you’ve been good to us…but now we’ve got to get the Smell outta there! I got Band Camp to go to (or so I thought)…
And, we’re driving…we’re stopping because Margaret Ila is WEAK! (jk, jk—she didn’t forget her clothes, she can do whatever she wants)…we were cruisin the radio stations, and we found some good ol’ Rascall….and with Rascall came the comment regarding the song about Blessing the Broken Road that led me straight to you, and waiting for the wedding where that song would be played…
It was decided then and there that at the next rehearsal dinner that any of us took part of, we would have to put the slide show, the inevitable slide show, to that song…and along that broken road, full of despair, drugs, sex, coco puffs, not a lot of hugs….there would be pictures…lots and lots of pictures of Mr. Wrongs…AND THEN….N…..DING!, “that led me straight to…YOU!” and there he appears, Mr. Right!...can’t you see it? I think it would be the slide show of all slide shows!
One Wendy’s later…complete with Margaret ila being bossy, I mean bassy….maybe just a little sassy to the cashier and Whitney’s sudden realization that even if she wouldn’t eat herself if she was an Andes Mint…she would DEFINITELY eat herself if she was an andes mint IN a Vanilla Frosty, we were back in Tuscaloosa!...and my friends…it was one successful trip!
