Take your memories I don't need'em, Take your space and take your reasons, But you'll think of me

I went to the beach…it wasn’t something I was planning on doing at all, but when the opportunity presented itself, I greeted it warmly and accepted. I was in the middle of doing my comprehensive exams and the week that I was going was week 3 out of 3 that I had to work on them, so I made sure that there was going to be internet access and that it wouldn’t be offensive if I stayed inside a lot of the time staring at my computer…that was going to be okay…and so I packed my bags (that would be my one bag of clothing and my 3 bags o’ books).

Saturday, go-time was 7am. Stinkin early, but not really any later than I usually wake, so no worries. I was told to be beach-ready, so, in my mind that meant bathing suit, jeans, tshirt…which may sound a little strange, but considering it would take a car ride to get down to the beach, and I do know myself a little, I thought that some sort of flimsy little cover-up or shorts would not work in my cold-natured-favor…so, jeans it was…and I was pleasant (in both temperature and spirit) on the ride down…

Basically the ride was uneventful (as it should be) but we did note a couple things. Well, maybe just one, namely the corn. It looked pretty unfortunate…I guess that didn’t so much matter to us, but it was noticed.

Then we started noticing false advertising ALL OVER THE PLACE.

First case: we were behind a truck with a sign in the back of it. It said “peaches.” We drove up next to that truck, ain’t a peach in sight. And we thought if we were selling drugs, we’d probably hide them in the back of a truck and label it “peaches.”

Second case: the traffic wasn’t horrible, but we were stopping at our fair share of red lights, and at one of those we saw this HOT chick on the back of a motorcycle…yeah, I can appreciate hotness. This chick was tan, great body, had on jeans and a little bikini top…well, when we pulled up beside that motorcycle…and we all look to our rightsies and our leftsies when we stop at stop signs, and traffic lights…and there she was…old lady, rolls of fat (I mean, if she had been standing up and 30 years younger, she would have been hot…but that was not the case)…more false advertising!

We stopped at subway, parked at the house, grabbed towels, the cooler, and chairs, and straight down to the beach…I

(1) stuck my toes in the water,

(2) ate my sandwich, (yes, i had already consumed my cookie in the car...and yes, by in the car, i mean, i started it before i even got out of the door of the subway and finished up the last crumb in the car)

(3) sunscreen suited-up,

(4) and pulled out my book on missing data,

precisely in that order. And there we sat for the next several hours…and it was nice! Turned on the radio, occasionally stood up to take a dip in the water…now after the first fish sighting, I only got up to mid-calf…I just don’t prefer the fish, unless I am eating them…and I certainly don’t want them to eat me! We were in peace, the occasional conversation, the constant radio in the background…and it lasted until the Griswold family showed up…and I mean those relatives who showed up for Christmas. They were loud…they were obnoxious…there were too many of them…and they set up camp WAY too close. The one thing that I neglected to prepare for was all the strange people we would see…I mean, my heart was mentally prepared (does that work? Brain was mentally prepared?...whatever), but I left my camera in the car. MISTAKE!

I think even if the Griswold’s were not too close, we would have found out a little about them because of the volume of their voices. They weren’t from the south. One was pretty sporty. One was not. The parents were there. The 18 kids were there. And will and cassie were there (see pictures below). It’s not that I tried to learn their names…I just did. Will was referred to as several things (by us [zeebs, brian fellow]…the family just called him will)…because of his choice in swimwear. Will had on the shorts (I never know what to call them) that boys go swimming in…the background was solid black. Then overlaying the black background was a zebra pattern. Now I know that animal print came in style several years ago (I mean, maybe it has always been in style…I just know that one year ALL the females were wearing some sort of animal print pattern in the church directory) and while we’re not really supposed to be a zebra on Monday, a tiger on Tuesday, a leopard on Wednesday, an alligator on Thursday, and a cheetah on Friday…we still can get away with some occasional classy animal print. Will’s swimmies were zebra in nature, but not a typical zebra (the black and white kind would be typical), his pattern was black with neon green and yellow…like the front of the right leg was neon green and black zebra, the front of the left leg was neon yellow and black zebra. And then switch-a-roo for the back. I know the picture I have painted is not so very clear and I was just devastated that I hadn’t brought my camera down to capture this on film.

BUT.....thankfully, dude was in his giddy-up each and every day and i had my camera on the ready to either take a picture or sprint down to the beach if i was alerted that any of the griswold family was out and about.

Saturday night we went out to eat…you know you always seem to run into someone you know at target or God-forbid at walmart….and at the beach going out to eat. And that we did. And then onto the flora-bama (where everyone does not know your name, but where the person checking ids will call you by your first name). It’s a lot to take in, I’ll say that much. We were all pretty tired and on our last legs, so we called it an early night and took it to the house.

Sunday we planned a menu for the week, went to the beach target (it always seems more fun to go to target, etc., when you’re not in your hometown) and grocery shopping, and then the days sorta start flowing together…which is exactly what is supposed to happen at the beach. I only got slightly sunburned (that 50 spf sunscreen is pretty remarkable), did get a lot of work done on my comps, watched the Original Kings of Comedy (FANTASTIC!), among other shows and specials and movies, caught up on my Oxygen and Bravo network shows that I typically only see when I’m in Birmingham…(Dance Your Ass Off, Top Chef Masters, Fashion Show, America’s Next Top Model Marathons)…watched Snapped for the first time (it comes on one of those channels) and I would like to invite all the people who ever thought I had caught the crazy to watch that show…because I’m absolutely sane…learned a great recipe for potato salad (sour cream instead of mayo, add a ranch packet, add some bacon and dill, and ding!)…and learned some great lessons and/or made some great observations.

1. Go see movies that you are unsure about in places where you probably won’t run into people you’ll see. (we went and saw Bruno…which, now I realize negates the part about people knowing you went to the movie…but at least I didn’t run into anyone I knew when I was coming out of the theater…it would have been an awkward conversation)

2. Pick your bathing suit wisely. And maybe you should have two to switch between…Will wore the same swimmie EACH and EVERY day…which was good for me because I ended up being able to snap a photo of him even though I forgot my camera the first day out there…will, come on, dude!! Especially when your choice of bathing suit is something so trendy, you might want to have one in a solid color to alternate with (between?)

3. Tattoos. I really do love ‘em…some of ‘em. And I know that many of them are very personal and have stories behind them…some are of animals, people, symbols, patterns. There are some that even when I got up to stand next to the person, I was unclear of what I was viewing. And I’m just not sure that the “sun around the belly” tat is a good look for anyone—that’s boys and girls. Moral of the story may be that people are curious!! And second moral of the story…if you’re going to go with naked people (as seen above to the left)…maybe not on a part of the body that is easily seen. Also, if you think you will forget your name…tattoos are perfect! Like this dude to the left...and right...he's got his initials AND his name on his body. Now, i didn't ask him if the name was his own...but when you look at him...surely...?


4. Birds fascinate me! Partly because I fear them. I just do not want a bird deciding to get tired right above me (bird flu!!). Their legs…well, I just don’t get ‘em. But, I do like taking pictures of them!

5. When you have…share. I mean, we certainly did share our music with those close enough around us to hear it! Example 1: Mr. Bucket Hat, Example 2: Pirates of not the Carribean
a. Okay—Mr. Bucket Hat…he had more than one hat and more than one swimmie and wore them on multiple days. He and his crew were ohio st. fans…he had a shark kite that he shared with us by putting it directly in our path and almost decapitating us (well, really just Margaret ila). He shared his chairs, tents, beers, and tailgating game with the crew “next door”…though didn’t offer us any of those amenities...Mr. Bucket hat did not "party" alone. Nor did he keep on wearing his bucket hat...thusly, i'm not for certain which is which...but these two definitely came together.

b. There was this group of folks who had a boat of some sort (I don’t even know if you call it a boat? But I think you do. It had a sail. It had a place or two to sit…is that what a boat equals?) they would take this boat out and get lost at sea…but not for too long because they’d return…but they didn’t offer us a ride…I mean, we sat next to these folks for the entire week, and we weren’t reckless folks…we just sat there nicely and we would have made great passengers…we also watched pirates of the Caribbean and thought about just commandeering the boat…but, it sat untouched by us

6. Hairstyles and outfits…I think the saying is at the beach anything goes…and then “whatever happens at that (in) ______ stays at the (in) ______”….but as long as you’re not in solitary confinement…that’s just not the case. So, pick your swimmies wisely…pick your outfits wisely….wear a bra….and pig tails are just not always a good idea…

7. And people! Ipods on the beach!?! I mean, I know I don’t own one and I can’t keep a cell phone out of a beverage…but isn’t it risky!?

8. Always realize that a camera might be snapping a picture of you...or video...and this dude...well, i just couldn't resist! Plus, with pictures, it's always strange what you will capture that you don't even realize that you have captured until later...much later. First example of that would be on my tat tour where i got the half a naked woman...didn't realize i had snapped that one until 4 days after we returned to Tuscaloosa. Also the picture to the right of the feet...don't fear, this man did come up for air...but it sure looks like perhaps he was either done for, or had been swallered and the two feet were all that was left...(and of course wanted to keep each other company)
when beach time had come to a close, we did pretty much eat everything that we had purchased to eat...which, well, may make us fat...or just snakers...but it also makes us quite economical...and we closed up shop and headed back to where we done came from. on the way back...OH! OH! one thing, i was notified on like monday that sonic pickle o's are back!!!! so, while the intention was to stop at a sonic on the way back, we failed...but, i did get some the following week, and they were deeeeeeelish! anywho, on the way back we basically came up with an alternate career (just in case)....selling.........watermelons!!! and not just the people sitting in the back of the truck stand...oh no, this one will be suped up, modern, contemporary, with a hint of victorian feel (or something like that) and it will be awesome!

my only regret was not hearing that fantastic chumbawumba song...best "on the beach" song EVER!